nanaxtango.blogg.se - Rixton me and my broken heart sounds like

Who knows why some people have amazing families and some have families that drain them, but not everything makes sense. What makes it worse is that the pain is often recurring, hitting you every time you’re with them. The gap left behind by a family member who hurts you can be immense. One of the greatest sources of unhappiness is the chasm between what we want and what we have. There’s no need to hurry a relationship worth fighting for. It’s so difficult to be in an uncertain relationship but sometimes that’s exactly what the relationship needs – time to work through the uncertainty without fear of losing the relationship. Let the person know that you’re not going anywhere, if that’s what they want, and that there doesn’t need to be any resolution for the moment. This is different to the space people give when they stay away for a while. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a relationship you care about is to hold steady and give the other person time and space to work out whatever it is they’re going through – while you stand still beside them. Compassion is an empowering choice you can make when you feel like you don’t have any choice at all. Feeling compassion is important because of the way it changes things for you. There may be little you can do to change the relationship, but you might just be able to change the way it affects you. Just because it’s painfully clear to you what they do, doesn’t mean it is to them. Perhaps they have no idea of their impact on people and all they know is that relationships seem to fall like broken toy soldiers around them. It might stem from having to control everything in their environment because they’ve learnt (somehow) that unpredictability isn’t safe. It might be an ‘adversarial’ ‘I’ll get you before you get me,’ response. Generally the way they are responding to you is the way they have learned to respond to the world to keep themselves safe. You don’t have to stay around and you don’t have to invest, but if leaving the relationship isn’t an option, seeing someone’s behaviour for what it is – a defence against a world that has hurt them once too many times – will help to protect you from the pain that comes from taking things personally.ĭifficult people weren’t born that way. People will judge you, hurt you, put you down and try to break you – and most often, this will have nothing at all to do with you.

Now remind yourself not to take it personally.

Can we try and do things a little differently?’ I really want to have a good relationship with you but it’s really hard when I feel like everything I do is judged harshly by you. The more positive you can be the better: ‘Every time I see you, you’re pointing out something else you don’t like about me. If you need to point out something they’re doing wrong, end it by letting them know that the relationship is important to you and you want to work on it. (You might need to say it a few times!) Whatever you do, don’t blame. Let them know that you don’t mean anything personally, that you appreciate their point of view and that you want to understand how they feel. In response, the world walks away, confirming the insecure person’s view that the world just isn’t safe. They’ll be cold, they’ll judge, they’ll take the first strike – all to protect themselves. People who are insecure will often respond to the world as though it’s going to hurt them. Insecurity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If this is a relationship you care about, do whatever you can to help the other person feel safe and secure. Insecure people will feel attacked even when no attack is made. Insecurity is at the heart of a lot of broken relationships.

Don’t let anyone else’s behaviour change who you are.īe dignified.

Whether you’re on your way out or bracing for more, here are some ways to protect yourself from the ones who scrape you: When there’s a lifetime of emotional investment involved, it’s likely that any response will hurt and will require a huge push, whether it’s walking away or fighting for the relationship.Įven if you decide that the price of being in the relationship is too high, it’s not always easy to leave. You can’t live with them and you can’t make them join the circus. Love them or love them not, there’s often a limit to what you can do with the difficult ones.